Dating as an adult

30-Jun-2017 20:04

We learn to pick up more quickly on those situations in which our partner is attributing something to us which actually is an issue from their past.

Of course, since we, at the same time, have been doing the same thing to our partner (that is, laying our past on them), we must also inevitably return to our own past.

If you pick the latter and avoid facing the former, then not only will your present relationship suffer (you will label your partner a “bad guy”), but you will continue to be held hostage by your underlying father issues.

Sorting out the past from the present invariably means doing some work in the present.

You will be able to see your partner more clearly for who they really are.

This can result in a positive regard which is much more realistic and stable This time the positive is not the positive fantasy that grows from negative fantasy.

This may be more disturbing than pinning all our unhappiness onto our present partner.

Who would you prefer to see as the source of your distress — your father or the man you have just started dating who has begun to disappoint you?

Dating as an adult-23

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No pet names, formal dinners, or goodnight texts required (or expected).

If you have been placing father issues onto your boyfriend then, once you realize this, you will need to deal with your father (and, undoubtedly, your mother and siblings as well) not only “in the past” but in the present as well.