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I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic.Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away.3. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well.The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term.These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process.
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness. When I think of all of the disastrous relationships I’ve seen or people have emailed me about, many (or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that “spark” and so they just dove in head first.”The truth is, it went wrong need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general.