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16-Dec-2017 08:09

So do about a billion other people, and they're all on hook-up apps. Here, a quick breakdown of what to expect on these hook-up apps, should you have completely avoided them all thus far. It is: The most notorious hook-up app, especially among the younger folks. The catch: The Mile High Club isn't really a thing.

Swipe right on a profile photo you like, hope they swipe right too. Who you want to find: A beautiful stranger who's down. Who you want to find: An exotic adventurer on their way to hike the Chilean Andes. Who you want to find: A put-together man who wants a drink and a fuck.

Yes, people like what they like but sometimes the things people like are racist, like lawn jockeys or the current president of the United States.

You can’t say you prefer one race of people as romantic partners, or anything really, to another because all of the people who belong to one race are not the same.

That’s fine and to make you feel more heard I’ll even repeat the most common point used to counter my argument ― “but people like what they like.

Can’t change that.” I’ve heard that excuse, or some iteration of it, used many times.

And yes, that includes you rice queens and chocolate chasers too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to find all Black and Asian men attractive. What I’m saying is that men of color are still men, and as such, we want the people making decisions about our desirability to make them based on who and what we are and that doesn’t begin and end with a few layers of melanin.“Fine, I’m a horrible racist asshole. I can’t re-program myself to find men of color more attractive,” some of you might be saying. As you know, the brain is the largest sexual organ in your body and it’s capable of amazing growth.

Who you actually find: The stalker you didn't know you had. Who you want to find: An attractive, educated progressive with lofty career aspirations.Therefore, our desire to date within our own race, when we choose to, is not rooted in any assertion made by society that we’re better than anyone else.I know this is a lot to digest so I’ll just boil it down to this: if your preference for a partner supports an existing racial hierarchy which marginalizes minorities, then your preferences are racist. If you’re making of your dating decisions with a person’s race in mind, that’s racist.As I’ve said before, I have had this conversation many times so I know what comes next. In social psychology there is a theory called The Mere-Exposure Effect. You can decide how best to “expose” yourself however you want but please, for the good of us POC who have to share this community with you, get to work.

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Simply put, the more we are exposed to someone, the more attractive they become to us. As gay men of color we get more than enough discrimination from the rest of the world. No matter how you slice it, it’s racist.equally, especially in this country.

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